Thursday, March 31, 2011

So You Think He Is Cheating???

I received an email this morning from a friend of mine and this gave me the reason to post this blog today.

She asked, "How do you know when a man is cheating...i mean what are the signs..."
The email was pretty intense. If you think your man is cheating and you are confused on what to do, then you have to seriously evaluate your life. Do you have children together? Do you own property/Business? What has been invested? Are you in love? What are your beliefs of marriage? (If you are married) Has he cheated before? How many times? (Like for real) Have you both went to counselling?

I can go on and on with the questions but that is not the main point of this email.

I have been there before, and all i will say is this, you have to ask yourself TWO questions. "Can i forgive him and live the rest of life with this" Because let me tell you this, if you say you are going to forgive him and then nag about it day and night. That is NOT forgiveness. Forgiving is the hardest thing to do. Why? Because of PRIDE. But it is what you must do if you decide to stay. Period. The children do not need to hear about your issues. They do not need to see you fighting over this. That will set the standards that they will live by in their own relationships when they get older. The most important person in this situation are the kids. Yes that's right, the kids. Protect them. For me, that is who i had to put first. Do you know how many times i have heard couples of all ages but especially older ones say "We only stayed together so many years because of the children." Are you kidding me? Then they separate 30 years later or have an affair. That is nonsense. If you are together just for the children, then you need to separate ASAP. If it does not happen now, believe me, you will be sorry.

Use wisdom. If you pray and ask God, He will show you the way. But be prepared to obey.

Maybe it was something he may have said, or done that may have sparked a little doubt in your mind the he is being loyal.

It is far too easy in this situation to say " No, he's not like that," or " he wouldn't do that to me."
Let me tell you: He could, he can, and he will. I was one of those ladies that swore up and down on God on everything, that my man would NEVER. What was my proof? I use to say "He is a man of God" Hhhhhhmm. Don't ever say, he would never!

When you start suspecting your man is cheating on you, this is your female intuition (for me it was God) raising a huge RED FLAG. You need to listen to what you think deep down in your gut, because this is the voice of truth that you NEED to hear and listen to. If you don't, like me, you will be sorry (or maybe not).

I have put together my own tell-tale signs for you.

6 tell-tale signs that he's cheating on you:

1. He's been putting you down lately or picking fights with you (this is a tactic they use to ease their guilt).

2. They get defensive if you question where they've been or ask about females that he has saved in his cell phone that are not mutual friends (or like myself, it could be a mutual friend or YOUR friend)

3. He has all of a sudden been meticulous with keeping his physical appearance up.

4. He's been getting a lot of calls/texts lately. He may act like he's in a rush to get off the phone.

5. He has been sleeping on the couch wayyy too much lately while you are off to bed. Then he comes in later and wants to make love. RED FLAG! Obviously ladies staying in the living room is not his routine. Pay attention.

6. He puts a password on his phone. He never had one to begin with.

7. He asks you where you are all of the time. You think he's being concerned. The reality is... he's making sure he won't get caught in the act. Again, pay attention.

For me, there was not many signs so i had to do the math afterwards. My partner was a home body. Literally. This is why he had to do this with someone who was close to us. So just because your partner has no friends or stays home, watch it!!! I also had about 8 dreams the last month and a half that he was cheating. I paid very little attention to them. I did not pray about it. When i pray and ask God to cover me and my situation, it usually comes to pass. This was not meant to happen, but it did. I can't stand when people say "Oh it was just meant to happen" NO, don't fall for that. God does not like divorce or separation. What He brings together, no man can tear apart. But He gives us the power of choice. It's up to the individual to give into his lustful selfish desires. If he does, he looses everything. Literally!!!

Despite what the decisions are that you will both make, do it in peace. try your hardest to be civil. Don't waist time and energy on nonsense.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Is Your In-House DJ Charging Too Much?

Are you confused with trying to decide on whether you should book an in house DJ or hire your own? Well you are NOT alone.

Most Venues will offer you their in house DJ but they do it very discreetly. You will think (because most of you have never done it before) "Ok i will take the DJ too" Moments after the wedding starts, you realize the DJ is just not that great and wish you could have hired another DJ! However, it's too late. So you go with the flow and enjoy the night.

Well here is the news! You do NOT have to ever hire the IN HOUSE DJ! It is your choice who to hire. You can bring in your brother, sister, mother...(try not too lol) whoever you wish to be the DJ! Most IN HOUSE DJ's are lazy and do not put in the enthusiasm that an outside DJ would. Why? Because they are guaranteed the money. The hall does all the work for them and they basically show up. Trust me, i have seen my share of this over and over. Hiring a DJ is almost as important as hiring an amazing photographer. You do not want to make a mistake. Why? Because you will not get that night back.

Looking for a great DJ check out Super Stars or call 905-850-3535 These guys have been serving the GTA for over 20 years.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Healthy Me Workshop Saturday April 30

Ladies join us for an amazing day Saturday April 30 at Snelgrove Community Centre 10:30am-3:00pm
This is a workshop for young women who are interested in living a healthier lifestyle.

If you are interested please email us at

Friday, March 25, 2011

Pursue A Passion!

Now you may be sitting at your desk, on your couch, or at a coffee shop saying "A passion" But i don't know what my passion is.....

It may seem like a very overwhelming question or statement to many. Only because it makes you think. If this is you, just remind yourself of what you think about "while sitting on the toilet" ( Rubin's words) Most likely you think about people and things that matter to you. YUP so true.

My passion is reading, writing and planning events. I'm relaxed when I have a great book in my hands, when I'm writing or when I'm planning an event. Do i do it often enough? NO! Would i like too? YES! What is stopping me? Well I'm still figuring that out. But i will say this, I'm not going to spend the next 5 years the way i did the past 5 years. Sitting at my desk at work wishing wishing wishing. I would like to go back to school and major in Event Management (and i will) and i would also like to write a few books (and i will) so there are some decisions i have to make. Obviously our bills need to get paid and most of us have families, however there are solutions. I'm taking the next month or so to decide on what i want most in my life right now. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. Now is the time.

Do you like drawing, reading, climbing mountains, children, sewing purses, event planning, fashion....whatever your passion is, can it be turned into a career? Mine can. I challenge you to do the research. If there is something you are most definitely passionate about, why not pursue it? Is money seriously everything? Yes and No. Yes because it provides a certain amount of freedom but NO if it is preventing you from your dreams. Your passions.

Take some chances. Maybe you can work part time to use the other time to pursue that passion. Maybe you can quit all together and go back to school (despite your age)

Take this weekend to think about what it is you really want to do with this ONE and ONLY life you have.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Slow Dance!

Yesterday morning i attended my HAPPINESS PROJECT meeting with my group in Oakville. This was a group that was formed on The host started the group in hopes of 10 strong members and then her plans (which she has done) was to cancel the group. Within a full day, there was over 40 members that signed up. Luckily i made the top 10 :-)) I believe i was like the second or maybe third to sign up.

Most of you all know how i LOVE this book Happiness Project and how devastated i would have been if i did not make the top 10 lol.

Alll our group members are awesome people. 9 women with the exception of one man. He is a singer/producer/musician. Yesterday was our second meeting (we meet once a month on a Tuesday) He is so patient and just sits and listens to all of us ladies (lol) Sometimes it looks like he is saying to himself (of course) "What have i gotten myself into" LOL

When it was time for him to speak yesterday, early on in the meeting, he asked if he could play a song he produced for us. Of course we were delighted. The group usually meets for 2 hours, 10am-12pm. My sister called at 12pm (we were still in the session) and told me she was coming to visit and was already on her way. So i had to leave right away. As i excused myself, my dear friend asked if i could stay another moment as he plays his song for us. Of course i said "yes yes"

I had no idea that he really meant "PLAY" He asked politely if he could use Kaja's piano, and humbly sat on the seat to get ready for his act.
"The name of the song is Slow Dance. It was a poem i got in an email written by a young 9 year old girl who was dying of cancer" He explained to us.

As he played, we listened. I sat in a bit closer to hear the lyrics and ohhhh my Gosh the next thing i knew, i was crying. Like i tried so hard not too but i could not help it. The words were beautiful. This young girl wrote about "Why do we rush. Why do we run when we can walk there....every time we rush we miss the beauty of it all......" But let me tell you, the words were BEAUTIFUL!

From this day forth, i will SLOW DANCE!

Monday, March 21, 2011

When Ladies Get Together....

So i had my D.e.v.a Ladies Potluck yesterday and i was very happy with the turn out. Although my "friends" did not show up...hey i usually never ever mix my D.e.v.a Ladies group with my personal friends anyway. The two just don't mix. I had an event once where i had both my personal friends and my D.e.v.a Ladies (from attend and my attention was focused on "my friends" So i decided shortly after that i would keep the two separated. So far, so good. It just wasn't meant to be yesterday.

However, the mood was amazing. Moments after i arrived, i realized i forgot my stereo so i was a bit nervous about not having music. Then the parking problems started. I was told my guests could park across the street but that was a whole other story lol. Anyhow, we figured it all out and it turned out FANTASTIC! The room was stunning.

At first i could tell there was a bit of tension in the room as most of the ladies did not know one another. I knew a few of them but with over 100 members in my D.e.v.a Group, it is hard to always meet and see the same ladies over and over. But there are the faithful ones. Within the first hour we all relaxed and started chatting up a storm. There was barely a  moment of silence. We had women from all walks of life  and nationalities and in my eyes, they are all beautiful. We discussed so many different topics; children, relationships, food, health, meetup RSVP'S (lol) pursuing our dreams, foster care etc. All in all, i was away from my family and around wonderful ladies who all had something to share in their way. It was well worth the time spent away from the kids on a Sunday afternoon :-)) Normally i would NEVER dare spend that time away.

Yesterday was an eye opener for me. I realized that "when ladies get together" it can be the most amazing thing....We are all such UNIQUE women with so much to offer and our own STORY. We are no better than one another. We are ONE!

My son Keeno dropped me off and i was going to call him to pick me back up after the event, but one of the ladies "Kanwal" lives only moments away from me so i got a ride with her. We shared stories and i even got an amazing deal on photography. She loves taking photos and hopes one day to start her own business "at home" and offered to take pictures for free at any events i had coming up. I was amazed by her offer and took her up on it. We also arranged to do a shoot with the kids in May. I told her about my makeup stylist Nicole Stilleto and that i would let Nicole know so we can pick a perfect date for all of us. She was excited and so was i. If i had never taken that ride, i would never know so much about her. Glad i did.

So ladies, if you know a few women and love entertaining, go ahead and throw a potluck. Give yourself a break and relax your mind.

Our next event will be "Dim Sum at Tremendous" Yiiipppy!!!!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Something To Think About!

I had a wonderful day yesterday. It was my day off and Naty (one of my bff. I only have a couple) and i decided to take Captain to a March Break Kid's Event at Woodbine Mall. Wow ...I'm not kidding you, there were hundreds of kids there. It was crazy, but very exciting, and we all had fun. When i got home last night, so many things crossed my mind. After cooking dinner and eating, bathing Captain, reading and then laying down with him, there was one particular thing that kept crossing my mind. As i walked to the bathroom while Naty took Captain to the jungle gym, i saw an older lady sitting on a bench with her granddaughter; reading. These two ladies totally amused me. I mean if you look below carefully, you will see how comfortable the older lady looks and how focused they are on their books. Hundreds of people were walking by and they did not seem to care, one bit. I stopped and stared for a few seconds and then decided to take a picture. I thought "Wow this is amazing. Her grandma must be her her (in a way) Look at the example she is seeing at such a young age" You may be thinking "What is the big deal?" Well i will tell you....

It is March break and there are a thousand kids running around...not to mention a carnival seconds away. Face painting. Games and all kinds of this young girl is with her grandma and and their small collection of books on the bench focused on their books. Nothing else mattered and they didn't  even notice me taking the picture. This gave me something to go home and think about.

Whatever our children see us doing, is what they will copy!

I'm an avid reader. I read almost every single night. I have been since childhood. If i wrote as much as i read, i would have already published a few books :-)

I hope and pray that Captain also picks up this habit. So far, so good. I know when Keeno was a young boy, he read everyday and loved it (Not anymore) But i do believe this makes a huge difference in their lives. I pray everyday that God gives me the strength ( I can't do it on my own) to be the best i can be for my children. There are certain things i will NOT do in their presence. I will not bring friends to my home, unless they are in my life for LIFE. I don't smoke nor will i allow it infront of Captain. I don't sware nor will i allow it infront of Captain. I don't and will never bring men home to my kids (Did that once years ago with Keeno. Never again) I believe unless you are planning to get married to someone, a mother or father should keep their business outside the house. Whatever it is i don't want to see my children doing, is what i will not do or allow in their presence. Period.

I have been asked so many times, "Liz, what did you do with Keeno? How come he is such an amazing boy?" The secret is above! I did not do much. It was what i did not do that made the differnce.

Above all, do your children really believe that you LOVE GOD? Can they see this in the way you live your daily life? Do they fear God? I make sure i instill the fear of God in my boys hearts. If they have that, everything else shall flow.

What is the example you are setting for your children? Are you a smoker? A heavy drinker? A party animal? A liar? Do you have too many friends in and out of their lives? Or partners in and out of the house? Are you a Believer? Do you talk about God?
What are you spending your time at home doing?
If your child was asked "What does mommy/daddy do when she is home?" WHAT WOULD BE THE ANSWER??

I'm not asking you to answer to ME...just answer inside your head. Maybe this will give YOU something to think about!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Up Close & Personal

As i mentioned in a previous post i will be conducting interviews with special women this month. Be it single, married, business women or single mother.
I had the great privilege to speak to an amazing woman. Natalia Vallares. She has been a co-worker of mine for the past few years. She is young, a mother, a common law (wife) a student and very driven. Although she is very analytical (in a very good way), she is passionate about what she believes in and wants to make a difference in this world. I was touched and inspired with her answers to my questions.
Enjoy this.

How old were you when you started dating? Or fell in love?

I started dating when I was about 17 years old. The experience was somewhat of a
flirtatious, holding hands and kissing experience. I wouldn’t consider it be
love per se. However, during my first year of university I met a young man on
an online chat. We chatted for 3 weeks until we decided to meet in person. We
met each other for the very first time in a Starbucks coffee shop located in
Chapters. At the time I was very young and inexperienced and had mistaken this
feeling of physical and emotion attraction as love. In other words, at the time
I felt hopelessly in love with him. But now after 6 years in the relationship I
realized in the beginning I was more in love with the idea of being in love
than actually being a loving person to myself first and foremost and then
extending that love into my relationship.

Do you have children?
Yes, I have a son.

Did you get a chance to finish school?
During my second year in university I got pregnant. As a mother my academic life
was challenged however I am strongly committed and soon to complete my degree.

How old are you?
I am 24 years old.

How do you balance life, school, your son and partner all at the same time?
I ask my self the same question everyday. It is often very difficult for me to
balance my life. As hard as I try to manage my time life always seems to create
unexpected situations. I am very adaptable and flexible. I always say to myself
expect nothing. Be ready for everything. I strongly believe that you need to
live by your commitments, objectives, goals and etc. For example, I always tell
myself that regardless the challenges that come my way I will learn to see them
as opportunities in disguise and learn to work my way around them. Secondly, my
son is attending a full time daycare and I am very grateful for this opportunity
because it allows my son to be amongst children every day and develop his
social skills meanwhile I focus on the completion of my education and part-time

What is the hardest part of it all?
I think the greatest challenge in life is my relationship with my common law. My
partner and I carry a lot unresolved issues from our pasts. These unresolved
issues have manifested in our relationship as frustration and anger. One major
challenge is when my partner self victimizing himself by blaming others for his
current problems. As much as I try to be humble and not participate in his self
victimizing drama the issue still takes an overwhelming toll over me. I would
like to accomplish in having a relationship that carries the foundations of
love, peace, respect, and most importantly free will. No relationship is
perfect however if your relationship carries a lot of unresolved issues it
distorts your relationships communication and can often transform itself into
cynical and insecure individuals.
Another challenge is my financial situation. Every month I am living pay check
to pay check and I am not able to save. I am studying part time and working
part time and it is very difficult to save money.

Any regrets?
There are no regrets in life, only lessons. Life is a journey.
What traditions or morals were passed onto to you by your parents?
If you really want something you have to work really hard for it. Secondly, my
father has always taught me to value education and encouraged me to higher

Are you a strict mother? Who is more firm, you or daddy?
I am not a strict mother. My mother is more firm than my father.
(I think she misunderstood the question)

What is the difference with this generation in comparison to your generation?
I observe this generation to be somewhat superficial. I see a lot of young
people who are not that intrigued to self examine their own lives rather
distract themselves with technological gadgets.

Where would you like to be in life or what would you like to see in your life 5 years from now?
I envision my life as a dedicated mother and career focused individual. I see
myself having completed my university degree and accomplishing a master’s
degree in political science or any field of my interest. I see myself owning a
wonderful home for me and my family to enjoy. Many windows and a breeze of
spring air blowing inside this warm welcoming home. I see myself dedicated in a
career that makes a social and/or political difference to my community. I see
myself working diligently as I see my son happy and playing with his toys in
front of me. I see myself dedicated to my son’s well being: always
participating in his life: education, psychology, financial and etc. Lastly, I
would like to accomplish in having a relationship that carries the foundations:
love, forgiveness, peace, respect, and most importantly free will.

What do you do for YOU? How do you relax or even have fun?
This is an excellent question. I thought about it for several minutes and I
realized that I do nothing specifically for myself to have fun or relax
Everything I do is either related to work, school, domestic tasks, my son, and
my relationship.

What was your most memorable moment?
Watching my son grow and develop into a wonderful loving are my most memorable

What was your worst moment?
To be sincere when I realized that I was unexpectedly pregnant and having to
deal with the reaction from my family towards me being pregnant was a very
challenging time in my life. After giving birth I suffered post partum
depression for 6 months.

What are you most proud of?
I am proud of my son. My son is a living embodiment of joy, happiness. My son
is my daily reminder of seizing the moment, forgiving, letting go and having

Any regrets?
Whatever happens happens for a reason.

If you could have one wish come true right now, what would that be?
To buy a wonderful home in the best part of the city!

What are the foundations you raise your son on? Some key principles you want him to pass on to his children?
Live a simple life.
Follow your heart.
Listen more talk less.
Your mind is the greatest weapon.
We may not have control on a particular circumstance in life but you do have
control on how to respond to a situation. And it is your decision as to whether
you will bring peace or conflict to a particular situation.
Take accountability for your choices and stay true to your commitments.

When you get in from school or a long day at work is it hard to be a happy mother?
It is very difficult indeed. After commuting from work to school and then
traveling back home I feel completely exhausted. I come home and the place is
upside down. Dishes are everywhere, my son is running around naked, and my
common-law is complaining about how unhappy he is at his work and thinking of
quitting. The feeling of not knowing how your going to hand in your assignments
on time, how I am going to pay the bills, potty train your son, clean the
dishes, emotionally support your partner and keep this relationship from
falling apart. The world suddenly spins three times and you faint. It is
important to try to be as authentic as possible and sincere with how your
feeling. Sometimes it just is what it is…and before venting you need to
acknowledge that what matters most in life are the respect, love and feeling of
your family members.

Do you believe in forever?
No answer

If you could say something to a working mother who also goes to school and has children but is struggling, what would you say?
Children learn not by what you say to them rather by what you do for yourself.
They are always watching our every move. Therefore, the best thing you can do
for your child is to never give up on your dreams. Be a living example of a
possibility. Their will be many obstacles along the way: relationship,
financial, time, family and etc. But regardless, you need to make the
commitment and take accountability for the completion of your education. Even
if it takes you twice as long…be true to yourself and don’t quit!

Liz, this is a poem I found online line that I find very encouraging. Thought I’d
share it with you.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learnt too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit-
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!

Thank you so much Natalia. You are an amazing human being. So authentic and pure. I'm blessed to have you in my life.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who is UNIQUE???

First of all....YOU ARE!!!!!! (wink wink)

Unique is an uplifting and empowering program. It is focused on encouraging young women to believe in themselves, appreciate their uniqueness, and supports them as strive to reach their full potential.

Natasha Morris, Colleen Blake-Miller and Elizabeth Correia created this program out of their desire to inspire young women to acknowledge and embrace their gifts and build them up to be tomorrow's leaders.

These women believe in the importance of supportive communities and the positive development of young people. Considering the negative messages within the mainstream
media it is important that young people be reminded of their true worth and value, outside of what they can acquire, or how they look.

Workshops & Groups

Workshop Sessions Include:

• Who Am I

• Connecting with Confidence

• First and Lasting Impressions

• Impressions Influenced by Image

Six week Group Chapter’s cover:

• Understanding All of me

• I am Worth it

• Living ‘Drama Free’

• Recognizing All my Giftings

• Celebrating the Big and the Small

• Appreciating the D.E.V.A. in me

Look out for our HEALTHY ME workshop Saturday April 30 at Snelgrove Community Centre (brampton)
This workshop will focus on the inner and outer beauty!Topics:

Healthy Inside & Out
My Emotions vs ME!
Fashion and Image

You don't want to miss this. Reserve your tickets today by emailing us at:

Please do not forget to visit our blog at www.

Monday, March 7, 2011

All The Single Ladies!

"All the single ladies....all the single ladies...." I'm sure we all remember that song. Well, as this month i will be focusing on conducting interviews with single women along with single mothers, that song has been ringing in my ears.

When we say "single ladies, mother or woman" What exactly are we saying? Are you a single mother by choice? Has the father walked out on you? Or have you walked out on him? Did you adopt alone? Are you a widow? Did you conceive on your own? (if you know what i mean)

So if you’re a single parent by choice, or circumstance, I believe there is almost always reason to celebrate what we can do. Enjoy when praise you for what you do and at your success in pulling it all together. Buy yourself treats and gifts after shoveling the driveway, or make yourself dinner for one! Write sweet notes to remind yourself of how wonderful you are. Take great joy in your ability to do what some partnered people can barely pull off together. I know many of you are like super woman and wonder woman put together.

It’s not easy, but one thing I have learned to do is remind my children how proud i am of US as a family! And, believe me, they will learn to play right along “Way to go Mom!” You will often hear, "Mom you never sleep and your always going going going..." Learn to love these words.

We do so much on our own, that it becomes so hard to accept help from others. Be it man or woman.

We are pretty handy with tools, we can shovel a mountain of snow early in the mornings in the same time a man or dad can do it. We can get dirty running around in the field with the boys or girls. We can throw a ball or two. We can talk sports, if need be. We can watch a few movies back to back with the kids. These are all reasons i LOVE being a single mother. Not because I have a crazy chip saying I can conquer the world (ummm partially true lol) but because there is so much satisfaction in problem solving and organizing. I have been independent my whole life and i totally recognize another woman/mother who is as well.

Although i may not be a single mother now to my 3 year old, i was with my 18 year old and know the feeling. I chose to be a single mother for him because i had to keep him safe and away from corruption. Today, i thank God i did. My teenage son is the ideal son a mother prays for. There are all those teen issues that i never had to go through and to God I'm so thankful. He is humble, kind, a LEADER, simple and above all he loves God and knows that without God, we would not have made it. I have travelled with Keeno quite a few times in the past but this April, i will be taking him to DR for a "Thank You" trip. Thank you for what? "For loving and appreciating me! For being an amazing brother and always never saying NO. lol"

If you are a single mother and have faced some trials and tribulations or you just simply have a story, please email me at

Please look out for Trinia Lewis's story this week. She is a strong, smart and funny woman. Not only have i had the privilege to know her my whole life (literally) but i have also interviewed her on Her Story!

If you are a single woman and loving life, email me Your Story!

I will also be interviewing women who are wives, entrepreneurs and wear many hats....all at the same time.

I will be sharing my story this coming Tues March 8 at The International Women's Day. Something I will be proud to do.

Love Lizzy

Friday, March 4, 2011

Don't Be So Bitter!

Of course i will not dare to say "her" name (lol - i don't even know it lol) but every morning as i sign into the gym, there is a particular woman there (employee) that NEVER smiles and when she does, she still looks bitter. I can only imagine how sad or angry she must be deep down inside and obviously i do not know what her problems are or if she has any. But, i do know how it feels to have problems or issues or unpaid bills (all of the above) and i also know that life does not have to be this way. Mrs.Rubin (author of Happiness Project) says "Act the way you want to feel" This is so true and I'm realizing it more and more each day.

My colleagues Colleen, Natasha and i had an amazing conversation (well a few of them) yesterday during our meeting and one of the main topics were "Why are so many people so unhappy with themselves?" This is like a million dollar question and i don't think it will ever be resolved for many people. What i do know is that i DO NOT want to be bitter ever- AGAIN! I spent too many months last year in bitterness and this made me a person i was NOT! So many people had no idea i was angry inside. I smiled. I laughed. I conversed openly. I shopped. I cooked. I attended all planned meetings. I was a great mother, I still did my thanggg but inside i was angry.

How did i put a stop to my thinking? Well first when i realized that God was not pleased with me, i slowly tried to stop myself. It was hard because i became so comfortable with my bitterness. I then had to cut off the people i had "only bitter" conversations with (not because i did not love them) and then i took a real deep look into the reasons i was bitter and when i realized that the situation was all in my favour, i LET GO!!

At its best, anger is a signal telling us that things are not right, that we should pay attention to our needs, and that change may need to occur. At its worst, anger is a destructive force in our lives which disrupts relationships and hurts us and those around us. We need to pay more attention to ourselves.

We as humans have the power to look into negative situations and pull out the positive. Naturally, we tend to be attracted to things and people that are a bit of a challenge for us. But please look very carefully and make sure this is a "good" challenge and NOT GAMES! If you take a few minutes to relax when your angry (as my friend Vanessa always warned me) so much of what we say and do in angry will not take place. You give yourself the breathing and thinking space for a reason. Use it.

We truly never know why someone is angry or bitter, but just put yourself in their shoes for a few moments. Relax and think before you react. This may give you a totally different point of view of this person. You will see him/her in a different light. Trust me, when a person does not seem happy, he or she is NOT! So why would we want to play on that? No, just smile. Your smile may be the only smile that truly makes a difference.

Even if someone is not worthy of your smile (so you think) that does not justify anything. You are not the one that is bitter, so just smile and take it easy. The bible says "Have a gentle spirit at all times" Do we really know what this means? God, i say i do, but do i?

Everyday i pray that God will humble me and give me the strength i need to determine the good from the bad and leave the bad alone. Give it ZERO of my time and focus. Go after the good....I mean good- in everything and everybody. I pray for this because it is truly who and what I AM inside.

For those of us who grew up in the "not so privileged areas" we know what it is like to face hardships. I grew up with nothing but drama in my life, surroundings and if i survived that for so many years as a CHILD with a smile on my face, the rest should be a walk in the park!

Lighten up. Smile!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A "Dog's" Love

I do believe that a dog's love and loyalty is unconditional.

Growing up we were not allowed "pets" of any kind in the house. I remember one time clearly we begged and begged dad if we could bring a small, very small doggy home and after 3 days of begging he finally said "yes" Well, the very first day he came home we all went out as a family and left it home. By the time we got back and walked through the front door, there was about 20 rolls of toilet paper covering the living room floor. "Get him out of this house" Of course we gave him back to it's owner. We did not dare to mention the idea of another pet. Not even a bird.

For many years i wanted a dog. A small one. The ones that don't grow.
There is such a sense of peace for me when i see small pets in the arms of their owners. Especially when they tuck their little face in and curl up into a ball. Or the pets that are extra affectionate. So sweet.

The idea that dogs feel emotions, specifically love, is debatable. Though older schools of scientific thought  dogs had human-like feelings, some researchers today believe the subject deserves more attention. I do.
For the most part, our dogs would go to bat for us, even on our worst and most intolerable day. All parents have days when they may not really like their kid that much, but they always love them unconditionally; even parents of troubled or criminal children love them on some level. I grew up with many single moms that had very disturbed teens but when it came time for these mothers to prove their love for them, they never failed. The love and the loyalty that drives that kind of emotion is instinctual ... I think dogs have a 'love' or connection with their humans that is free of preconceived perceptions.

Doggies and Toddlers
I once heard "If you want to keep your child safe from your dog, keep your dog safe from your child" LOL That sounds funny. But true.

Last night, we added a new addition to our family "Nacho" He is a Chiwawa. We have known him for three months and he is only three months old. He is so adorable and harmless. He is very tiny and will not grow much. However, obviously we must be careful that Mr.Captain does not torture him. Children should never approach a sleeping dog, an eating dog, a dog with a toy or chewie, a dog who is tired, a dog who isn't feeling well, a dog who is worried or excited, a dog who has had enough petting for one millennium. Watch the kids and the puppy to make sure neither are acting inappropriately and that they are respecting each other's space. If not, then they lose the privilege of being together. Time-outs are as effective with puppies as they are with children. I will DEF be putting Captain on "time out" if he does not obey the "doggy rules" For young toddlers, they treat small dogs like they would small babies. Either "Gentle or Rough" I want Captain to adore the doggy, respect the doggy and love him too and i will do my best to teach him how too. If he does not, i will have to step in.

We are delighted to have "Nacho" at home and totally looking forward to this summer out at the parks with him. I really hope i don't go spending too much money on Nacho :-))) I need to keep my spending habits under control :-)