I was reminded of a conversation I had with a young lady last week about sex and marriage and why it's important to wait. She was amazed at the fact that I had 2 children, I was married and divorced and yet I am waiting on getting married AGAIN in order to have sex AGAIN. She asked, "But Miss isn't it hard to not have sex since you've already had it and know what it's like." Hhhmmm I love that question, because believe it or not, I get asked that A LOT!
I will break down out conversation here on this blog in hopes that YOU understand why sex before marriage is toxic. Yes it is. I have the right to speak this way because I did it for many years. But now I know better. When we obey God, He is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us. And I can clearly see His blessings ALL OVER my life.
If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God
Call it cliché, call it tacky...call it whatever you like- I am saving myself. Period!
I asked this young woman how she feels when she is having intercourse with guys? She went on to tell me she felt used, not good, ugly and even with her current boyfriend she feels the same way. She is currently 24 years old. She expressed her desire to get married but that the man she is dating will not entertain the topic. It actually broke my heart to hear this because I know women who are my age and older that are in the same position and some even have children with the man.
Ladies, we've got to raise the standards in our lives. We really do. And if you are currently in this situation, this is not to knock you. No. Not at all. Remember I was once in your shoes.
There is something that transpires in those moments of intercourse with a man you are not married too. It does something to your mind, your soul and your spirit. It only feels good for the moments in action. However, soon after, you feel ....well not good. And I know deep down inside we ALL (girls) desire marriage. Unless you've been abused and hurt from a past marriage and feel that you'll never be married again...give it time. I use to say the same thing. But honestly if you are messing around with some guy who does not want marriage yet he wants your body, it's time to cut it loose until he can commit.
YOU are worth marriage. You are worthy of greatness. You are a winner!
I see myself as "a daughter of the Most High King- I would be that man's greatest gift." If you don't see yourself as God sees you, then how will he? The guy / man will only see you as you see yourself.
1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one."
I can honestly say I have never felt this spiritually healthy. It is the best feeling in the world to save yourself. It really is. It empowers you. I seek to satisfy something bigger than my flesh. And the problem is, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. I know God is pleased with me. And that in itself is extremely empowering to my self-esteem and self-worth.
As I told the young girl, we carry baggage into our sexual relationships. For many women they jump from one relationship to another. Never healing. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Believe me, I KNOW this. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn't mean we're free from the baggage that can linger in our minds and relationships.
I asked her these questions:
- Are you finished with school?
- Are you satisfied with your health / weight?
- Have you discovered your purpose and calling?
- Has he?
- Are you financially stable? Is he?
- Are you confident with who you are?
- Do you have goals and dreams outside of that man?
- Do you have $$ saved up?
- Who are YOU?
- What can you offer the relationship?
- What can you offer a child (if you get pregnant)
- Is this the man you want to commit too and have a family with?
- Do you know him? Know him know him? His character. His beliefs? His family and friends? His dreams? Is he a man of integrity?
We went through a list of questions and it broke my heart to see her answers. Ladies, we got to do better. Because most of us know better. I am so busy working on the best ME I truly have no time for foolishness. I am busy being busy with my purpose, community and family. If that man comes and he walks, talks and lives like Jesus, yes that's right I said it, then hey I will know he is God sent. Until then I am on lock down! I am alone NOT lonely.
You want to meet a man? Come with me. I will introduce you to the FINEST man alive. He's a lover like no other! He is the man of your dreams. He will teach you many things about TRUE love. He will show you your worth! He will heal your broken heart and make you bran new. Now this is the kinda man I want! Come follow me as I follow Him. His name is Jesus! My King!